Most us have been told or believe that maturity happens as we grow from childhood into adulthood and embrace all the responsibilities that come with being a “grown-up.” While this is true in part, it’s not the end of the story. A big indicator of our maturity lies in how well we control our emotions. Anyone who considers themselves to be a leader understands that much of your effectiveness in that role boils down to how well you’re able to manage your emotions in the most challenging situations.
Holocaust survivor and psychologist Viktor Frankl once described the ability to choose how we respond to any given situation, as the “last human freedom.” If ever you find yourself in leadership situations that challenge your composure and resolve, here are some tips to help you along.
- Become More Aware of Your Emotional Triggers
We all have emotional triggers. Those events, situations, phrases, words that create negative emotional reactions within us. The more aware you become of yours, the more power you will have over not letting them get the best of you. Maybe you’re triggered by dominating conversations, insults, being disrespected, feeling patronized or demeaned, being interrupted or feeling left out. Whatever your triggers may be, jot down two or three of the most significant ones that apply to you and become more aware of how they make you feel.
- Pause and Separate Your Mind from What’s Happening Around You
Now that you’re more aware of your own triggers, you can get into the habit of saying to yourself “I’m not going to react right now to what just happened around me. I understand this could be an invitation to something I might soon regret.”
- Commit to Doing Nothing with Your Impulses the First 60 Seconds Your Feel Them
Make a promise to yourself that no matter how intensely you are triggered, you will give yourself at least 60 seconds before you react. You will be far better off for it and will buy yourself time to get a little clear headed about how you should react. This will ensure that you respond in ways you will not regret later on. You will also win the admiration of your followers who will come to know of you as a “cool headed” person. That ultimately has a positive impact on their morale and as a leader that should matter to you. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by exercising restraint.
- Bank on Your Trigger Database
Embrace and use self-talk phrases that center you. The kind that match your particular emotion. If for instance, you’re feeling anger, or fear, or frustration, develop a phrase you can say to yourself to center you whenever you feel that specific emotion. Example: When feeling anger – “Although I’m really angry right now, I have complete control over my anger and refuse to be controlled by it.” Another example could apply to a situation in which you’re feeling fear – “Right now I feel afraid. In spite of how I feel what is the best thing that can happen to me right now?” A self-talk phrase like this in particular could consciously help you overcome your feelings of fear as you focus more intentionally on the positive side of the moment. Jot down your own self-talk phrases and look at them from time to time to remind yourself of a more productive way to respond to ‘testy’ situations. While there are countless things you can do to heighten your leadership effectiveness, your ability to identify your emotional triggers and understand their impact on you is a vital step in mastering self-control. The more aware you become of your triggers, the more power you will have over not letting them get the best of you and every one you lead will benefit.
